Newsletter is BACK IN ACTION

I was lost, then I discovered pizza bread, and I had to come back to tell you about it

Hello!

I ghosted my own newsletter. Sorry. (Short version as to why: Got a new position at my real job, it was a big learning curve, and to save myself and retain my all-important sleep schedule, I had a choice: I could either stay with this newsletter or my family but I could not do both. So I decided to abandon my newsletter as it didn’t have as many social repercussions / lawyer fees.)

If you’ll take me back, I’ll share some exciting news with you: 1. I’ve moved this newsletter over to Substack, which is easier to design and allows creators to get $$$. This is cool because if there is one thing I’ve learned from Woke Twitter this past year it’s that women SHOULD NOT be performing unpaid labor that makes others comfortable, happy, or more productive (which is très drôle as that is basically the description of life as a mother). There are no plans to charge anyone anything — but there’s nothing wrong with keeping your options open (lifehack: do not apply this axiom to your marriage).

Secondly, I’m going to share writing duties of this newsletter with a friend – Annemarie Conte who, get this, is the executive editor at Women’s Day (aka: the real deal) . She’s actually knowledgeable about cooking, baking and the domestic arts unlike me who basically farts it in every week. This is a real “value add” as we say in corporate America. We’ll alternate weeks in writing — but please continue to like me the most.

And with that super long intro, buckle in, because I have so much to tell you!

What I Made This (Past 40 Weeks)

Friends, this is my smartest parenting hack yet: Next time you go on a long car ride, instead of packing the usual snacks for the kids, grab a baguette, tear it in half, and it will take them at least an hour to work their way through it — longer if it’s slightly stale. I have no idea if giving your kids a half a loaf of bread to gnaw on in the car is the smartest thing I’ve ever thought of or…who am I kidding?! This is definitely the smartest thing I’ve ever thought of.  

I also really need to tell you about pizza bread, the latest culinary delight we’ve made that the kids have been crazy over: It combines the two things kids love the most — pizza and bread (I make the above recipe with a lot less cheese, sauce and meat so it’s more bread than anything). There is nothing at all healthy about it but it’s warm and soft and tastes like love and not at all like abandonment. (My kids are now 300 pounds since the last time I sent you this newsletter.)

What I Read This (Past 40 weeks)

I’ve fallen hard for Fredrick Backman. I devoured both “A Man Called Ove” and then “Bear Town.” Both are terribly formulaic and the dialogue seems lifted from bad inspirational quotes on Instagram. Example: “Very few people are tequila and champagne at the same time” and “Being a parent makes you feel like a blanket that’s always too small. No matter how hard you try to cover everyone, there’s always someone who’s freezing.”  Friends, I legit ugly cried MANY TIMES reading these books. Like, flat-out, embarrassing, choking sobs. Fredrick Backman is the Dave Matthews Band of authors: You want to not like him because you know, deep down, you are way too cool to be affected so deeply by something this corny / popular but you can’t help but love it because it simply hits you in the feels (I’ve been listening to a lot of DMB because this year is the 25th (!) anniversary of “Under the Table and Dreaming”… and maybe we all need reminding sometimes when things are popular, it may mean they are actually good.

What I Watched This (Past 40 Weeks)

Game of Thrones, obvi, although this season is kinda laughable (with the exception of The Night which had me on the couch, kicking my legs in the air from anxiety).  My theory: Everyone dies but Brienne of Tarth and the eunuch Varys but they can’t make babies to repopulate Westeros because of the testes situation.

Also enjoyable is The Other Two on Comedy Central (you can stream on Amazon Prime). It’s a total send up of tween pop and the modern music / entertainment industry by two former writers of SNL and features national treasure Molly Shannon.

What I Wrote This (Past 40 Weeks)

Nothing. But you can read old content here.

Parenting Gif of the Week

To all my moms on Mother’s Day. I’m happy to be back.